ART TIME!

Yesterday I was drawing with Meg. I would draw and have her copy. I drew the first circle or cat head , and she drew the one on top that she scribbled out after drawing it. She became anxious and agitated with herself. when the anxiety seemed to rise up. I helped her work through it but with each step of the way saw that she was anxious about all of it. She seemed afraid to DRAW!

 It was sad to me because I DRAW! I love Drawing .... If I could only take 3 things with me on a desert island it would be paper, pencils, and my I Phone ... I was going to say my bible but its on my I Phone now hehehe.
 when this anxiety rose up I immediately was taken back. Years ago when Meg was just a Itty bitty thing she too would draw all the time .... she loved it! We began to see her slip away and her drawings changed. She would become very agitated and scribble out her own drawings , like she did yesterday .... Only Yesterday she had words to voice what she was doing. "I ruined it!" she said.

I could see back 8 years ago when she began to loose her words and she also began to scribble on her pictures .... My heart broke. "I wonder if she felt like she was disappearing." "I wonder if she could tell something happened to her."  Soon after she began to have trouble drawing she began therapy. OT was incredible for her in many areas, but they insisted on her holding the pencil correctly. I can still hear the therapist as she took the pencil from Megs little hand ... "Hold it correctly." Each time Meg would try to draw the pencil was taken from her. I remember feeling bad about that like it just  wasn't right but I guess I didn't trust my own instincts at that time because I said nothing. Soon Meg STOPPED drawing completely.  I feel like I lost part of who she was meant to be in so many ways and believe we are fighting every day to help her come back. I love this girl with my whole heart. I prayed for her last night I asked God to break anything that was making her anxious to draw, and today we painted together. I put on worship music and we invited Holy Spirit! It was INCREDIBLE watching her paint and be free in creativity. I helped her paint crosses while she said words over them.

 I wrote the words that she spoke on her painting .... Worthy to God, I am worthy, and Risen!

 Its so bitter sweet this world I live in. Megan is such a blessing and brings to us a special glimpse that not every one gets to see,  yet my heart breaks and breaks and breaks for her.... I pour out for her and pray she can hold in all God has for her life. I want her to be all that God has made her for and that's my prayer every day. I know some people get mad when I speak about autism like a BAD thing and say I should just accept autism but you see Autism took  my daughter away! It took Megan .... I saw it happen!
I will always accept Megan. I will always embrace Megan. I cannot accept that autism is who she is. She is an entire person without it! I have no idea  how I arrived at this point but here I am.
I am watching more growth every day in her as God shows us what to do and pray. I love how He can personally lead us into freedom. I believe He wants us to be able to break stuff off our kids and I believe we have the authority to do so.
We just have to ask Him to help us , to lead us and to speak to us. Thank you so much for being part of our little world! Keep praying for us Dear ones we STILL do not have it all figured out.

Until next time , remember God has a plan for your life and for your child's life ....Each and everyone of them!

In His LOVE ,

Arlene

I love you My Meggie Moo!

 I love you in the night time and in the morning too.
 I love you when you laugh and I love you when you cry.
 I want to make your life better and that my dear is why.....

 I push you to do what you can do
even when you yell.
It helps you to grow when you try
                                                                 even when you fail.

                                            I am not fueled by pity for you I just godda say
                     God has given me a passion to drive you every day!

                                               I love you enough to let  you be mad at me.
                                                I love you more then you can now see.
                                                  I love you past your pain my dear one ,
                                                     I love you more then me.

                    I see you .     I know you.      I've watched you grow
                                         You Have gone farther then THEY said you would
                                          but hey! what do THEY know?
                                                                     
                                                                    As the butterfly pushes through                her              cocoon
                                             I see you push just to be you.

Some times I know you read my heart
You can sooth the cry inside my soul.
"Mama I'm healed in the Holy spirit" you say....
O baby this I know.

                                                             I hope you know I'm not trying to fix YOU
                                                              just what gets in the way of who you want to be.
                                               No I'm not here to fix you baby.... BUT Gods used you to change me.

SUDDENLY!

There we were all sitting around the table. Megans team consisted of about 5 people Me, Megs Dad, Her psychologist  Dr. Brown, her worker Roswel, and her teacher,  I don't remember if everyone was present at this meeting. She had been diagnosed with autism regression for some time and we were watching her disappear  into no where. Autism was taking her away! "Arlene what are some hopes you have for Megan?" Dr. Brown asked. She had to ask me three times because I didn't have any more hope left.
 I was grieving and my hope was broken. I didn't want her to know that though, I didn't want any one to know that I had lost hope for my own daughter.

so I searched deep until I found a little tiny hope inside. As soon as I found it I blurted it out.  "I said I want her to be able to tell me what happened at school, and I want her to dance." 
Tears flowed out of my eyes as I struggled to even say those words. Autism regression made my baby sick, and I felt like she was being stolen more and more each day. People like Dr. Eilene Brown and many like her have helped me to fight for my daughter and bring her back. I know some see autism as a gift and I understand where you are coming from, but autism itself has not been a gift to us or to my daughter.My daughter is the gift.

For years we have been praying for Megan.
For years I have researched, sought out doctors, therapists and treatments that could help heal her and help Megan be all she could be. ALL GOD has created her to be!
For YEARS God has shown up to guide us in all these steps, and we have witnessed changes. Some we didn't even notice for a while It makes me wonder how we could NOT notice. Just one day we would realize that she hasn't thrown any thing in a long time. When did this stop?

Some changes are so big and so all of the sudden changes that we notice right off. We like to  call these Eureka moments.


The first Eureka moment I remember was this:  I had been studying everything about autism I had found so many parents doing the casein and gluten free diet. I am one to look into things for a long time. One day I was at a conference where Temple Grandin was speaking. It was the first time ever I heard her speak. Temple was talking about interventions and medications  that had been known to help our kids.She strongly suggested  trying diet first because, it was least harmful, I was convicted and  immediately in prayer... Saying to God "O God I'm not JUST going to do this big diet change even if every one else is doing it," "O my do you know how hard this will be?" I will only do it if you tell me too." RIGHT THEN I hear my name being called out..... How cool is that? I won the raffle! and can you guess what I won?  A huge supply of Dari free potato milk! I took that as a direction. We took Megan off of milk and gluten. Milk first I saw huge changes! She used to act drunk and out of control and most of that was gone. It was such a huge improvement I decided maybe it was a good idea to let God lead us in our adventure. Overcoming Autism began that day.

Another sudden change I saw was when we put her on M B-12. We felt directed by God to do this I cant remember how sudden it was but she had NEVER played before. She would just line her toys up. side by side in nice little rows. One day I was cleaning her bedroom , making her bed to be exact, when I heard her saying some familiar things like "o he has pretty eyes what a cute baby." She had been hearing this a lot because my new grandson and his mommy just moved in with us.  This was so unlike her even though she did parrot. I found her in front of her doll house playing with the dolls! I was so amazed.

I don't know why but no matter how many times God comes through ...No matter how many times He speaks and we are blessed when we do what He says.....NO MATTER how many amazing things He does in my life I am always SURPRISED! How can I be surprised by His faithfulness?

Recently Eureka moments seem to be happening all over the place.
Ill start her.
  At he end of 2013 I  experienced a life changing experience with a supplement. I Have taken MANY supplements in my life but I don't think any of them I felt. When I found my self totally exhausted no matter what none of my supplements were helping me.  NOTHING was helping me wake up. I was sleeping 13 or more hours a night and still felt sleepy when I woke up and was distracted all the time. I was in pain most of the time nothing real bad just a dull pain. I started taking a product that I remembered had helped me before with something else. I started to feel more awake almost immediately. I still have days that I am a little more sleepy but nothing like I was. I decided to give this supplement to Megan and really saw nothing.... except she had a BM ... That's a big deal for her! BUT it didn't continue to do that for her. I was actually giving it to her for almost 3 months and was going to take her off of it when stuff started connecting like crazy! O and by the way... We are NOT taking her off this stuff!

Connection 1.
     I put an apron on Megan before she eats and she has her own. One day  I put my apron on her in stead because hers was messy. She began to run and skip around the house screaming "NOW Im THE MOM!" Im THE BOSS OF YOU!" That is some real connecting going on!


Connection 2.
 One day we were at Red Robin and the waitress introduced her self ..."I am Sophia I will take your order when you are ready." Megan looked at her and said.... "Ide like a hamburger please." I was so shocked I could barely talk. and my mouth dropped open. NEVER before! she could barely point to make a decision before!

She is doing new things every day!  I am in awe as I watch my little girl bloom.

Connection 3.
 One day she was having a hard time with her anxieties sometimes she cusses and freaks out  and her behavior looks like tourettes.We can tell its   pretty much out of her control. She has been so repentant after ward , but never anything beyond that. SO the other day shes yelling
 Let me try and take you there without offending you but she was yelling in a real agitated voice  F...... B .... (If you need to know what words she was saying you can call me) Ok so she was saying that and some other things when SUDDENLY she  looks different then usual like shes trying to calm herself and she looks at me and says  "I'm calling Rocky a F.... B..... ," YES looking at me as if to say I'm not calling F.... B...  "I'm telling it to the dog." Right after she said that she began to tell herself in question form" Don't say F.... B.....?" Do you realize what this means? If she can see this behavoir and reason through it she will be ABLE to choose to act differently! Where there once seemed to be NO free will Now I think I'm seeing it!
The ability to make a choice is a very important life skill wouldn't you say?

Connection 4. or TMI......(To Much information)

Tonight I was trying to get her to go potty (shes scared to poop) and she kept saying I don't want to poop. (huge in itself) I told her she needed to sit on the potty . She said "ITS against the law!"
 I had to hold laughter back and try to  ignore her trying to change the subject and told her ... "Honey You have to poop or Ill have to take you to the hospital" She then gets this great idea face and says "I wanna go to the hospital!" Like she figured out a way to get out of sitting on that toilet I'm telling you anything to avoid that potty!

Connection 5.

   I was cleaning my office when I hear "Mom!" "Moooooom" "Come watch Muppet with me!"
FOR REAL! I dropped the duster and sat down next to my 14 year old daughter to watch her favorite show.

I am truly amazed I know we haven't reached our destination and Meg still has some issues. (but who doesn't?) For the first time in a long time I have high hopes for my daughter!  She is telling us what she wants and doesn't want. She is putting things together and using self soothing skills... She is even telling me when she has a hard day at school. Thank YOU God ! I love changes like these. YES My hopes are high for this young lady and I cannot wait to see whats next!

I know this has been longer then most of my posts , but its been a while and as you can tell there has been so much to report on. Remember Dear one that when you do not see what God is doing ...He is still at work behind the scenes keep your eyes to Him and ask Him to help you see His hands at work and one day you will see the suddenly happen if you just keep looking to Him.

In His LOVE
Arlene

CONNECT

 I remember being a little girl and getting so caught up in holding a puppy or kitten.  I could have cuddled forever! I was like that with baby people too . I would rather watch a baby then hang out with friends. I would even hold a baby while our family friends ate. I was  babysitting a 2 week old baby when I was 9 years old, and I was so capable!   I see that love and that awe for babies in Megan too but she doesn't get to really experience the awe like I see others experience or like I did. Megan has not experienced much of  awe in life at all . Most of life is confusing or scary.  She lives in a world with no rhyme or reason no direction and worst of all next to no connection. Imagine then the joy that fills my entire being when I do see her connect. Its few and far between but its happening more and more. There was a time when I couldn't even imagine her connecting to any one.  It was amazing to capture the relationship begin to grow between her and my little grandson. There was eye contact and a connection that I have hadn't witnessed with her yet. It was deep.

And then there was a year ago when  at bed time  I brought a puppy in her room  Her eyes immediately fixed on the little ones feet her finger touching the tiny toenails she said "look at hew wittle feet"!  SHE REALLY SAID THAT! She said it like a toddler. and was 12 BUT she SAID it !  A little girl full of wonder and yes awe. she stroked the puppy and felt her soft fur. she was in that place that a little girl loves to be. I could see that nurturing heart and the longing to be free. I saw connect. I saw Megan completely free of all that holds her back from who she longs to be. It was only for a few minutes but She was all the way there.

 

 O YES! A desire accomplished is sweet to the soul. I am seeing her blossom more and more. We are seeing her do more everyday. Last night in our life group she interacted and sang worship and praise songs with the other kids. She even colored with us. Maybe not how most kids interact but she was interacting! I love watching God heal her. He has really been leading us. He leads our prayers for her, and our interventions as well. He is the one that led us to take her off dairy he is the one who led us to the supplements she's on. I have seen so many parents try this and that with almost no real improvement. I have known people that have maxed out every credit card and buy every new thing promising to cure autism. Its hard not to be desperate when you are watching your child fade farther away every day. Its easy to feel helpless. I am so thankful for my relationship with God and love that I can trust Him in all of this. he did NOT make my daughter sick, BUT He is making her well. Little by little step by step from GLORY to GLORY we go! I cannot imagine walking this with out God. I am connected to the source, and He brings connection to my child. Well dear ones I said I would keep these short so I am going to end now with this. If you do not know God and have not asked Jesus to be Lord of your life You can do that now. Just say Jesus I need you to show me who you are and how much you love me. Take my life and make some glory out of it in Jesus name amen! That's all you have to do. He will never leave you alone in this AND He will lead you in parenting your child.

I will leave you with a few more pictures of these two. 

                                            In His LOVE
                                                Arlene.

                                                        SWEET DREAMS DEAR ONES

COMING BACK TO DADDY GOD

Have you ever been mad at God? Have you ever felt like He betrayed you? Sometimes in relationships we get mad at one another. I have hurt people that know me and they have hurt me.
People that I'm not in relationship with do not hurt me.

When Megan was five years old I went through a REAL crisis of faith. Megan couldn't talk, she couldn't wear shoes and half the time if not more was ripping off her clothes and screaming at the top of her lungs. This is the days before me having a clue. I hadn't received my autism degree from Google yet. I didn't even know autism was any thing different then someone who was able to count toothpicks in seconds if they crashed to the floor.

We had a doctor suggest autism regression when Megan was two and a half years old, but we  paid her back for that suggestion leaving her office planning never to return.

We did take Megan to Child Find at age four because by then I knew that something was wrong with my baby girl.  Most the time I knew, when I wasn't visiting the land of denial that is. Child find is a district agency where your child can be evaluated and placed  in a class that is best for them. Its where you go if you feel your child has special education needs but is not yet in the school district.
She was placed in a pre kindergarten class for 3 hours a day 4 days a week.

Backing up a bit let me tell you a little about us her parents and the siblings in our story. David and I were VERY involved in our church. I led worship on a team and David did sound as well as set up and tare down for the entire church. I could be at church at one of our campuses up to five services a week. Our oldest Justin was entering boot camp for the army, Samuel our second born was trying hard to find his way in the adult world and Shane and Caili were doing great , involved as we were in our church life. Honestly I could not believe that God would allow our daughter to have something wrong with her, after all we were serving Him .....

During the diagnosing process I stopped talking to God. I still read the bible , but only out of habit. 30 minutes a day or so when I woke up. I was not talking to God and pretty much had my hands over my ears so I couldn't hear Him either. I felt like He betrayed me. There were some other things we were finding out  as well like our 2nd son got heavy into drugs and was un reachable to us.
Our 3rd son also started veering off the good path he was hurt and needed us but.... I was overwhelmed, afraid and mad as.....well you know .....

As some of you know walking through a diagnosing process can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. No one wanted to tell us she had autism, but hints were given along the way as if they wanted us to tell them what she had.

 One day  her special needs came rising  to the top so much so I could see her torment clear as day. I took her to school where she didn't want to go... She didn't want to leave me ever, now I know its simply because I have always gotten her. We connect that girl and I.
 I couldn't find a close parking place so parked way up the street. I got out of the car, grabbed my keys and un did the car seat latch lifting my tiny 4 year old out of the car ...keys in my mouth shutting the door with my backside. I hurried off to get her in her class. By the time we got into her class she was having a full blown melt down. screaming and crying with no acknowledgement to us when we tried to talk to her. I picked her up to take her out side LEAVING my keys in the class room. (I know not a well thought out plan) We get out side, I put her down only to watch her run around in circles , stripping off her clothes , screaming the entire time.... I did not have a clue what to do. People from the school office were staring at us and I was hurting .... shamefully thinking in heart.... My daughter is crazy. I cannot express to you the pain that burned in to my soul. She was completely out of control. I wanted to put my baby in my car and go home ... I wanted to bring her to a safe place where others were not staring at her. A safe place where she could be .... ok. Remember though I left my keys in the class room. I finally caught up with her threw her over my shoulder half way dressed she still kicked and screamed. I walked all the way down the first hall 2nd hall and into her class where I put her down grabbed my keys and left. About 2 minutes into my drive home I had to pull over because the grief over powered me.  I began to weep out loud. Some where in all that pain I found my self crying out..... "I need you God I can not do this with out you." It was as if the clouds over me parted and Heaven opened.... I heard Him .... God SPOKE TO ME! In a tender yet strong voice. He said....." O my Darlin I never wanted you to." From that moment on I have felt Him walk with me. He has walked with me through the heart break of having the child the other kids taunt at recess .... He's walked with me through my fears and brokenness. Life has still been hard but It makes all the difference when you know that He has a plan and He loves your child more then you could ever imagine and, He loves you more then any one has ever loved you. I don't have all the answers still, but I know the one who does. Megan is 13  and has come far through the healing process. She has come very far and has learned so much. You know what? I have come far too! 

One day I questioned God about my anger towards him. In 1989 David and I had a baby girl die. It was a night mare BUT in all of that grief I never once blamed God. When Megan was being diagnosed however, I blamed God and was so mad at Him. I asked Him why. The answer was shockingly simple (as usually is) In 1989 I did not know God I was saved in 1989....SOOOO  in 2005 I had been walking with him like 15 years. In 1989 I did not know Him yet therefore.... I could not be mad at Him. If you are in a place where you are mad at Him. Tell Him. He can handle your anger. If you are going through a hard time invite Him in to walk it with you.
I couldn't do this without Him.

I have to go get ready for a business meeting now so until we talk again REMEMBER God did not design you to go through this alone. keep calling out to Him and look for others on the road your on. You are not alone ...It just feels like it sometimes.

In His LOVE
Arlene.

THANKSGIVING

Once a long... long time ago in a land full of NTs (neuro typicals)   Our families used to meet up with Grandmas, and Grandpas, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and people who had nowhere to go. They used to pile in until the number sometimes passed 30! One year we noticed our little girl had a very hard time navigating her way through this day and would sometimes have really bad tantrums. MOST of the others didn't understand and by the time we would get her settled down at our home I would fall apart in my husband’s arms. I was so undone. We kept going year after year......and I don't know why.  We did behavior modification on Meg and I even wrote her social stories to try and help her navigate. We did try and educate the others on our daughter’s behaviors. We even wrote and handed out letters one year.   I think that was the last year that we spent Thanksgiving there.

 It was hard to change what we did every year, but it was good. It has been good in so MANY different ways!

One time I heard these words in a sermon and they have stuck in me like a seed….”growing things change”

 YES GROWING things change and sometimes Change is hard.

 At first we tried to move the entire get together to our home, but for many different reasons the others still continued to stay at the other house. The first year was the hardest, but It was also so FULL of Gods peace....WE KNEW we made the right decision. It is good to have family traditions but sometimes it’s okay to make new ones. Sometimes we are stuck in old ways that are not good for any one. Perhaps a change can bring healing and growth.  I want traditions full of peace and honoring one another. I want everyone to be treated with the love that God has put in us. Let’s build a tradition where everyone is held up and brought close. Let’s build a tradition of laughter and sharing EVEN if the house is a mess! Let’s celebrate life and live in this culture all year long!

Let’s dance and sing and build a tradition where we pray and invite our Daddy God to come fellowship with us. Let’s praise and worship Him!

We first did this change because we believed it was best for Megan (our daughter) and in doing so we found it has been best for us too.

LOVEING THE LITTLE THINGS

Written by: Caili Misner

      Throughout my twenty years living here on this earth, I have learned many lessons either through my own experiences or by watching the experiences of others. But from all the lessons I have learned, one lesson stands above the rest and that is to love the little things in life. This lesson began in the year 2005, during this year my family was going through something, that literally took the world we knew and flipped it on its head or at least  it felt like that any way.

 That year of 2005, my family had found out that my sweet little five year old sister Megan had AUTISM. So many questions rushed through our minds on what this thing called autism was and how it would affect my sister Megan growing up. Well my family learned fast and hard on what autism was, what we learned and heard from our excessive research and from what experts or doctors had to say is that my sister Megan could have difficulties in social interaction with people; trouble with verbal communication which would result in fits and tantrums if she was not understood or did not get her way. Plus that she would have repetitive behaviors, no sense of humor, and a lack of empathy.

There were times when I found my sisters autism to be quite noisy and very scary, to put this into perspective and have it in a way where it’s PG for you, my dear reader. When my sister would throw a fit, let’s just say that not all words were appropriate and lady like. But there was this one time while she was throwing a fit and yelled the most appropriate thing  and what it was I will never forget, she yelled  “Oh my darn it!”  When she throws fits, I either leave the room or put my headphones on. But sometimes it would get so noisy in fact that it sounded to me like a bunch of angry cats put in a metal trashcan that was rolled down a bumpy, rocky hill during a hail storm.

Other than my sister’s fits being very loud, how it looked was a different story. Cause every time my sister threw a fit, I  saw it as if she was an angry elephant on a rampage going through the busy streets of New York City and would hit anything or anyone that was in her way or in close distance of her. Now if there was an angry elephant going through the streets, it would make  total sense for the police force and animal control to block certain areas of the city so the elephant doesn’t hurt its self or others and to make sure it goes to a safe enclosure when it can be safe and have time to calm down. This is the same with my sister Megan, whenever she throws a fit she starts hitting everything and everyone in sight which can be a danger for her and others; my family has to work together as a team and usher my sister safely to her room so she can calm down.

  Other times I found my sisters autism to be very hilarious, because there would be times when she would say the most random silly things that it would make me laugh so hard that I couldn’t breathe sometimes. There was this time in my sister’s life where just about everything and everyone was a color, like she would randomly go up to people either in the store or when people came to visit us and she would ask them “Are you purple?”  There was also another time where my sister Megan had a fascination with baby dolls and every year on her birthday or Christmas, I would ask what she wanted and every year it was the same thing “I want baby doll” she would answer this so much in fact that now my sister has a total of 30 baby dolls.

There was also a time when my sister was trying to figure out what fat was and would ask my mom and me out loud in fact, if that man or woman was fat and we would either tell her that it wasn’t nice to say or we would just ignore her if she kept on repeating it. There would also be times when my sister Megan would copycat or parrot what I would say when I would be talking to my friends or mom and dad. In these moments when she would do that, I would tell her to just be quiet, mostly all she would do is just laugh very loudly at me and say “sissy want me to be quite, I’M TOO LOUD!”  Now, to think the doctors said she would have no sense of humor.

 There were some times I found her behaviors odd or just plain silly, like when my sister had a favorite movie she liked to watch, she would want to watch it over and over again. So much in fact, that I now know almost every line of every movie I ever watched with my sister.  Then there are the moments with my sister, that I cherish very deeply and those are the moments whenever were just lying on the couch quietly next to each other watching a show or when she gives me high fives and says “we rock” every time we score five stars on Rock-Band. When I look back at those moments in my life I began to laugh and think how irritated I would get when she wouldn’t be quiet, or behave like a normal sister should, then I stop and think about those moments when I really enjoy having her around and glad that she’s not normal.

What does the story of my sister being diagnosed with autism and me having to live with it, got to do with loving the little things in life you may ask when reading this? Well to put it simply for you. It’s this, besides the throwing of occasional noisy fits and the randomness of words that would come out of my sister Megan’s mouth. There were many things; small things that everyday people seem to take for granted sometimes that my sister didn’t know how to do. Like brushing teeth, eating with utensils, getting dressed by her-self. These are just to name a few on the list of little things.

My sister Megan, who is now a teenager, has made a lot of progress since the time she got diagnosed with autism.  There are the occasional fits, but they are not as bad as they used to be when she was little and sometimes I have to remind her to use her fork or spoon when eating. But all in all, my sister has grown to be quite the social butterfly and is the shining star at her school. Every day that I spend with my sister, is a day where I love the little things more and more. I am so proud that I get to live with an extraordinary person like my sister  and get to watch her grow  into the little lady that she is becoming today, because of  my sister I have learned to love the little things, not just in my sister’s life, but mine as well.

 

 

 

     

 

 

 

GODS word HER cure

 1 John 1v9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (unless you have autism)

 I know not funny huh? IT doesn't say that! IT says if we confess our sins HE will FORGIVE us and cleanse us of any unrighteousness!!!! O my for real?
Megan has many behaviors MANY that would be considered unrighteous. Just because she has autism doesn't mean she gets to just walk around with these behaviors! She has to be taught what's right and what's not just like any other kid. YES in some ways Meg is just like any other kid. She is 13 , loves music and is now boy crazy! She has good behaviors and bad. She makes choices every day... good and bad. If she hits she has to go to her room. AFTER the behavior when she is calm sometimes she is able to reason through, sometimes she's not. For years I would lead her in repentance ...Meg say this " Jesus thank you that you love me." "Thank you that you forgive me." I'm sorry I hit ____________ . Please forgive me and heal me so I will not hit when I am mad. In Jesus name amen. FOR years I have walked her through this! Just this last week she has been saying stuff like" I'm sorry for hitting my door" or "I get mad sometimes"  I believe that God can and will heal her maybe NOT of autism itself (whatever that may be) BUT of acting out bad behaviors. Meg has gone through so much and has come so far. Gods word does not return void. We have used scripture ... I figure hey if He can transform me with His word why not her? HIS word is settled in Heaven ...It doesn't say unless you have autism! His word says HE saves those who call on Him..... It doesn't say unless they have autism ...right? Megs favorite scripture is God has not given me a spirit of fear but love power and sound mind! I do not know all things even about autism or why she has it.... BUT I do know that GOD has not given her a spirit of fear BUT love power and SOUND MIND! I know that God did not make Megan to be tormented... He has made her on purpose in my whom He has plans for her NOT to harm her.That's what HIS word says so that's where I am placing my faith! God has never lied nor will ever do so. His word is true and always solid. I know sometimes its hard to believe His word when emotions are all over the place yelling in your face. I know that the enemy lies to you and tells you this child is part of some cruel punishment for past sins, and that there is no cure. I know that deep inside your heart you long for your child to be healed and whole but are afraid to even ask. I know this because I have been there. DEAR ONE Your child is a GIFT from God. The stuff that comes with autism is NOT. I'm going to be bold here and say autism is a disease, and GOD does not give disease! God heals. DID you hear me dear one? GOD HEALS! Ask Him today to walk you to the place of faith so you can fight for your child. Speak His word considering your child and ask Him to heal ..... ALL though I do not know what that looks like in your life all the way I know it looks good and If you ask Him to show you He will. I must go now so until next time Keep your eyes on JESUS! ....

 In His LOVE Arlene

Missed appointments

Last week I had things I wanted to do , people I REALLY wanted to see. I missed everything I WANTED to do! boo hoo my life :( OK pity party over! I was able to get Meg to her docters appointment and able to keep my house clean (okay somewhat livable) BUT o there were things I REALLY wanted to do. If I missed an appointment with you.... Know that You are not alone and I really wanted to see you.

ITS a new day, a new week! I love Mondays !!!! They are fresh and start me off brand new.

 It helps that I believe in and enjoy my work. My Job is different , BOTH of them or should I say all of them?

I'm focusing on two areas of my life for this post. One being my JOB, you know the one that brings income.... Yeah that one. I own my own business so I can work around Megs schedule. TOTALLY works for me. Although its my own business and I can make my own hours, I have responsibilities in this business for the people I'm training and for my customers. I want to be excellent in all I do.

 Meg is the other area of my life I am writing about today. (after all she is what this blog is about)She goes to a specialized school just for kids that have different needs. They have always had a year round schedule and its been perfect for her!
Recently our district changed that, and she is out of school for nearly 3 months. She is a sweet and fun gal that loves life and people, BUT 3 months of no school is confusing! I do not have enough PECs for her calendar to show her she is home this long. PEC stands for Picture exchange communication. It is how we have communicated for years :)

I learned some years ago how to recognize when burn out is around the corner and know when I need to rest or when I need to play. Usually both hahaha. Rest first then play. I've learned a skill set in even how to rest if I cant get away. Some days Megs hair wont be done It will be brushed but that's it. She will be fed and dressed...I just do the things that have to be done.   I call those my have tos . On those days I hurry and do my have tos, and then I just put on worship music and sit there and soak. I have learned to rest in Him even in Megs constant talking and noises ...and I think that is an important skill set.

NOW to learn a new creative way to do my business while Meg is here for 3 months! This could be interesting. God is our CREATOR He created the entire world and us....so Im asking Him for some of that creativity to run an excellent and prosperous business while being the mom she needs. OVER comeing autism in every area of our life! Not giving up or running away from challenges but facing them head on with HIS strength That is how I live and move that is how I grow in Him. In Nehemiah the people were prepared for what ever came their way and they kept working to get that wall built. Building tools in one hand and fighting tools in the other. I believe God has given me tools to do the jobs at hand. Where is God challenging you to overcome? Are there areas in your life or your kids life that can cause you to flee or bury your head in the sand? God invites us to overcome these areas He all ready has the answers and chances are you all ready have the tools. Ask His help and move ahead into His promises. DONT let excuses steel your future! Now go and have a great week! remember  Dear ones God LOVES you, and is for you. He wants you to prosper and succeed in every area of your life .... NOW GO DO IT !

ITS ABOUT THE ONE

Good afternoon friends and FAMILY :)

I hope this month has reminded you about the many things to be thankful for in your life. I know it has me. I have learned to be thankful for things that used to be taken for grantet by me and many other parents.

years ago before Meg was diagnosed our family was involved (to say the least) in a church. We would go up to 5 services a week sometimes. I sang on the worship team and David set up and did sound. Before that we were very involved in children's ministry. For 16 years we were about the fathers work. We are still about the Fathers work, however the work is more at home then any where else. Six or so years ago God had moved us to Summit. It was hard for us to leave a very familiar and comfy place even to come to to place as sweet and healthy as Summit. We have struggled as a family and have gone through allot of changes.

Church has been different and just getting to one service a week as a family has been a dream for us. At times we have gone to one service a month because we have to take turns going. Meg and Caili have difficult times and have different issues. Both our daughters have autism. Caili has over come so much that it takes a trained eye to see that in her. Meg on the other hand at 12 skips and screeches. (Need I say more)

 At times when Meg was younger we would leave church with her screaming and screaming! Her arms flailing and tears flowing.  I'm thankful for Teri and others who have helped us feel welcomed and valued even in the midste of these fits. Meg has started having more seizures a couple of years ago so attending church and other activities became more rare for us as a family.
We belong to a life group, but have missed allot of meetings. Its easy to feel isolated. Its easy to feel alone.

Some people may have been okay with taking turns or going to church once a month....but hearing meg weep and cry out " I'm sad about church!"  would not let me accept this way of life. I believe that God has called us to be over comers and not just survivors. I believe that God My Father desires for Meg to be at church.
 Canvas is the service we go to as a family. God has made a way.

 

We still do not make it every week as a family but it is happening more and more. Meg is so happy to be there and now my mom has started coming and daughter in law too! Meg sings the songs and yells out yeah and hallelujah!

 Canvas is like having a little church inside of a big church. I know there are many stories inside of the people at Canvas , and this is just about one. After all isn't that what spreading the gospel is about? Its about the one sheep. Its not about how many come to church its about reaching the one. Meg is only one, but I am another her sister still another and her dad and her grandma .... reaching the one has touched so many more. I am thankful to attend church as a family and to hear Meg sing out to God! I am thankful for a healthy church that is about the Fathers work.
 I am thankful to belong to a body of beleivers that are focused on investing in and building up the KINGDOM of God here on Earth. I have to go now Remember to keep your eyes open for opertunities to be thankful in the little things.I know I will.


In His LOVE Arlene

LOOKING BACK TO SEE TODAY

When I look in her eyes I don't see a disability...When I look in her eyes I don't see autism not usually any way.What I see is the past, before I knew of the struggles she would face. I see all she had to work through to get to where she is  today. I see the present where we can go to stores or to restaurants as a family (usually) I see her look at her dad with awe and say the words Daddy do you love me?...Today  I see her. I see how far she has climbed, and I am truly amazed! She sings to all the songs on K-LOVE and she ministers to everyone who knows her. She is little girl, and I have dreams for her. She reminds me daily (sometimes hourly) that she is not a baby. I think she thinks about allot of things. She can talk allot and can communicate allot better then before....  but her expressive language is not the same as yours or mine. I wonder what thoughts play in her head. She says I'm not a baby, but in side is she wondering then why the diapers? Is she wishing deep inside that she could do what others can? Does she feel alone, or lost? This last week we went to her neurologist so she could explain the last EEG she had. Her Doctor told me that the seizures showed up every where like all over. She said that the med she is currently on only help one part of her seizures and that she would need to be on Kepra also. We started the med on Thursday night Today she has been so much more aggressive. Its like she really cant help the fits and seems to really get repentant after ward. Wouldn't it be great if this med works and brings her out of confusion? O that would be a dream come true. I close my eyes and imagine her free. where she can have control of her own body. I can see her dancing the ballet like a prima ballerina. Or singing amazing grace in a clear and confident voice. I will support her though no matter what she can and cannot do. I will worship God and be thankful for every little mile stone met. And no matter what I will always love her and I will always dream for her. I must go to bed now . Its so late and my eyes are falling. Hey can I ask something of you? I want you to look at your own child and ask God to open your eyes to the gifts He has put into them. After that I want you to smile and hug your kiddo. Have a good day and be blessed.

In His LOVE Arlene

To the new parent with A special child

I have been thinking about the days when Megan was first being diagnosed. Life has changed so much since then.

 I was wondering how many moms and dads out there are just entering into the culture of autism, or any other realm of special needs. Can I tell you something?  I understand your hurt. I know what its like to be crushed as you watch your little one display odd behaviors. Behaviors that society will label them an out cast for. Behaviors that are weird and that will cause others to back away from you or judge you for.

 Dear one I want you to know right now that This is not a judgement on you from God. This is not a LIFE imprisonment. This WILL change you and it will crush you, push you down and, destroy who you are right now. This will take all that you have deemed important and push it back . Somethings that you find very important right now will not even make it on your priority list any longer. You will cry, You will be angry and dear one you will grieve.

 If you go through the process with God you will come to accept and appreciate your life. You will learn how to truly give your love away unconditionally, and in doing so you will learn what real joy is. You will be a master at having peace even in the middle of chaos. You will learn to fight the devil like never before because my friend you will be fighting for the life of your child .... I love that plaque that is forever etched in my soul, I'm not sure who wrote this or if I'm wording it correctly but  It reads something like this, "Having a child is the only way we get to see our heart walking around on the outside". Awww Isn't that so true?

 I know that when you had this child , when you first met him or when you named her....I know that you were not planning on hours of therapy ... OT, PT, ABA, You may not know what all those letters stand for now but Dear one you will. The ballet and baseball may happen but will be pushed aside for these instead. You may get to learn things about nutrition and supplements that you never wanted to know. Yes eating may never be the same again.
You see life as you know it today will simply fade away.

Dear one remember this God is good, He loves you ,and your little one. He did not give your child autism or what ever diagnoses is being considered. He didn't do it but oh He can make glory out of it. I know that reading this right now may be hard and you may be angry, You may even be angry at God. I was. If you are, simply tell Him. He can handle your anger, and He all ready knows about it any way. He wants to comfort you and wash your tears. He wants you to know Dear one that He will be with you every step of the way during this process and all other processes to come. It will be better if you notice Him there with you. I promise He will never leave you. He loves your child more then you do and has a great plan for them. He does not see disabilities OH no I believe in every one of us what He sees is His heart walking around on the outside.

Its so amazing now to look back at what my life was, at who I used to be. I am okay....NO I'm better then okay I am more of what God has created me to be. Dear one I love you and pray that you will live Gods full purpose for your life.

In His LOVE
Arlene

ALL THE TIME

God is good all the time even when I'm late for everything
God is good all the time when stress comes I'm still gonna sing.

Waken up brand new day bow my head
 God have your way
 Lead me guide me through again
Where you want me Lord do send


Getting ready for the plan
 Appointments commitments
Done all I can
Showered and dressed just one more thing
Wake up dear one and get her ready.

God is good all the time even when I'm late for everything
God is good all the time when stress comes I'm still gonna sing.

Special ones with special needs
Cant really get the meaning of plans
Yelling screaming apparently apposed
Calling to reschedule  appointments again.

Blender broken fridge is leaking
Anxiety rises w. each appointment made.
My life is different at times lonely
Don't wanna live my life afraid.

God is good all the time even when I'm late for everything
God is good all the time when stress comes I'm still gonna sing.


Feelings of helplessness and self pity arise
As fear tries to make its way in.
Than He reminds me of this mornings prayers
I hear me say where u want me do send

Apparently He wants me here
 In the midst of His spirit
Inside my home
Where we dance and sing and praise our God
Even when none of our plans get done.

God is good all the time even when I'm late for everything
God is good all the time when stress comes I'm still gonna sing.

In His LOVE Arlene

Megs Gluten free casen free protien bars

We usually let our little dog Miss Bell sleep in bed with us. She's warm and cuddly but most of all she will awaken me if Megan gets out of bed, because Jesus knows I will sleep right through it all. Where did the days go when I could hear my little one suck her thumb or roll over? Man I was sharp, let me tell you. No one could sneak up, sneak out, sneak nothing! Well not any more. You see; when my head hits the pillow the world disappears. I don't know why. Not much has changed. Yes I am older, but that is NOT the reason for my coma like sleep. You see, the reason is simple. When it’s finally time for sleep I am exhausted baby!

OK, now that we've got that clear. I will just get on to what this whole blog is about any way. The other night while I was sleeping Meg got up! The dog was not in my bed. She was in her crate like a good little dog. NOT! I heard my husband waking me up like this "Honey Megan's up" or something like that. Well you get the point, right?

I get up to find her in the kitchen. She is saying things about food mostly chocolate. I thought perhaps she was hungry. YEAH maybe that's why she's up so late. I did what any good nurturing mommy would do. I tried to give her food. She was not interested in eating at all, which is rare for Megan Anna Banana. (That’s what I call her) THEN I saw why she was not hungry. There on the table was evidence that she had been up allot longer than we knew. Her box of gluten free protein bars. A box of 12 bars almost GONE! $17.00 a box! "OY vey!" Barbara Streisand said that one time and I thought it may be fitting for this. (I'm not really sure what it means)

I don't know about you but I am not going to just go out and buy another box! I can't just get these at any store. Megan's food needs to be purchased at Whole foods and that store happens to be like 35 minutes away from my house! Still Meg would need some kind of protein bar that would be readily available. So I thought, "Hey, why can't I make some protein bars for her? Someone had to come up with that protein bar recipe, right? Then charged 17 bucks a box! So I began to look at recipes and think about what I would want in her bars and I must say I made some pretty good, pretty healthy, good for Megi protein bars.

I thought I would share the recipe with y'all. I hope you enjoy it.

I went to allreccipes.com and ended up using the Farina bars recipe for the backbone of my recipe.

MEGS G-FREE C-FREE YUMMY

COCONUT CHOCOLATE

PROTEIN BARS

1/4 cup Earth balance softened soy free

1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce

1/2 cup organic sugar

3 teaspoons ground flax seed

1/4 cup powder cocoa

1/3 cup honey

2 tablespoons lemon zest (don't know if I really used that much)

2 cups dry cream of buckwheat

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon ground Cinnamon

1 cup coconut Amando yogurt

3 egg whites 1 yoke

1/2 cup flaked coconut, organic unsweetend

1/2 cup sliced walnuts (optional)
Today we added chocolate chips too :) (no longer optional ) YUM

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 9x13 inch baking pan.

2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter, applesauce, sugar and honey until smooth. Mix in the lemon zest. Combine the cream of buckwheat, flax seed,cocoa, baking powder and Cinnamon; stir into the creamed mixture. Blend in the yogurt and egg whites. Try not to over mix, or the bars will fall. Finally, mix in the coconut and chopped or smashed walnuts if you like them. Spread the mixture evenly into the prepared pan.

3. Bake for 45 to 55 minutes in the preheated oven, until the edges are brown but not the top. Cool and cut into bars.

This is why no one else eats what Meg makes , She likes to taste after each stir.

Megs faverite add on

look at my