When I look in her eyes I don't see a disability...When I look in her eyes I don't see autism not usually any way.What I see is the past, before I knew of the struggles she would face. I see all she had to work through to get to where she is today. I see the present where we can go to stores or to restaurants as a family (usually) I see her look at her dad with awe and say the words Daddy do you love me?...Today I see her. I see how far she has climbed, and I am truly amazed! She sings to all the songs on K-LOVE and she ministers to everyone who knows her. She is little girl, and I have dreams for her. She reminds me daily (sometimes hourly) that she is not a baby. I think she thinks about allot of things. She can talk allot and can communicate allot better then before.... but her expressive language is not the same as yours or mine. I wonder what thoughts play in her head. She says I'm not a baby, but in side is she wondering then why the diapers? Is she wishing deep inside that she could do what others can? Does she feel alone, or lost? This last week we went to her neurologist so she could explain the last EEG she had. Her Doctor told me that the seizures showed up every where like all over. She said that the med she is currently on only help one part of her seizures and that she would need to be on Kepra also. We started the med on Thursday night Today she has been so much more aggressive. Its like she really cant help the fits and seems to really get repentant after ward. Wouldn't it be great if this med works and brings her out of confusion? O that would be a dream come true. I close my eyes and imagine her free. where she can have control of her own body. I can see her dancing the ballet like a prima ballerina. Or singing amazing grace in a clear and confident voice. I will support her though no matter what she can and cannot do. I will worship God and be thankful for every little mile stone met. And no matter what I will always love her and I will always dream for her. I must go to bed now . Its so late and my eyes are falling. Hey can I ask something of you? I want you to look at your own child and ask God to open your eyes to the gifts He has put into them. After that I want you to smile and hug your kiddo. Have a good day and be blessed.
In His LOVE Arlene
