Thursday, April 9, 2015


Yesterday I was drawing with Meg. I would draw and have her copy. I drew the first circle or cat head , and she drew the one on top that she scribbled out after drawing it. She became anxious and agitated with herself. when the anxiety seemed to rise up. I helped her work through it but with each step of the way saw that she was anxious about all of it. She seemed afraid to DRAW!
 It was sad to me because I DRAW! I love Drawing .... If I could only take 3 things with me on a desert island it would be paper, pencils, and my I Phone ... I was going to say my bible but its on my I Phone now hehehe.
 when this anxiety rose up I immediately was taken back. Years ago when Meg was just a Itty bitty thing she too would draw all the time .... she loved it! We began to see her slip away and her drawings changed. She would become very agitated and scribble out her own drawings , like she did yesterday .... Only Yesterday she had words to voice what she was doing. "I ruined it!" she said.

I could see back 8 years ago when she began to loose her words and she also began to scribble on her pictures .... My heart broke. "I wonder if she felt like she was disappearing." "I wonder if she could tell something happened to her."  Soon after she began to have trouble drawing she began therapy. OT was incredible for her in many areas, but they insisted on her holding the pencil correctly. I can still hear the therapist as she took the pencil from Megs little hand ... "Hold it correctly." Each time Meg would try to draw the pencil was taken from her. I remember feeling bad about that like it just  wasn't right but I guess I didn't trust my own instincts at that time because I said nothing. Soon Meg STOPPED drawing completely.  I feel like I lost part of who she was meant to be in so many ways and believe we are fighting every day to help her come back. I love this girl with my whole heart. I prayed for her last night I asked God to break anything that was making her anxious to draw, and today we painted together. I put on worship music and we invited Holy Spirit! It was INCREDIBLE watching her paint and be free in creativity. I helped her paint crosses while she said words over them.

 I wrote the words that she spoke on her painting .... Worthy to God, I am worthy, and Risen!

 Its so bitter sweet this world I live in. Megan is such a blessing and brings to us a special glimpse that not every one gets to see,  yet my heart breaks and breaks and breaks for her.... I pour out for her and pray she can hold in all God has for her life. I want her to be all that God has made her for and that's my prayer every day. I know some people get mad when I speak about autism like a BAD thing and say I should just accept autism but you see Autism took  my daughter away! It took Megan .... I saw it happen!
I will always accept Megan. I will always embrace Megan. I cannot accept that autism is who she is. She is an entire person without it! I have no idea  how I arrived at this point but here I am.
I am watching more growth every day in her as God shows us what to do and pray. I love how He can personally lead us into freedom. I believe He wants us to be able to break stuff off our kids and I believe we have the authority to do so.
We just have to ask Him to help us , to lead us and to speak to us. Thank you so much for being part of our little world! Keep praying for us Dear ones we STILL do not have it all figured out.

Until next time , remember God has a plan for your life and for your child's life ....Each and everyone of them!
In His LOVE ,